What Does it Take to Make Happy?

Posted Dec 18, 04:50 PM by Kay Camenisch

The common room was peaceful for the moment. Wheelchairs were gathered about, but most of the residents slept, with chins on their chests or white heads lolling to the side. Vivian paced about, ever restless, ever moving; Paul drummed his fingers on the table, and Sara occasionally called out “Help me. Somebody help me.” The TV rattled on, with nobody watching. But all was at peace, and the noises faded into the background with the smells of Pinesol and urine.

Our focus was on my Mother, as we struggled to have a meaningful visit with a loved one who no longer remembered us. She was more lucid today than at most visits, but it remained difficult to know how to communicate with someone whose world is framed only by the present moment. Then I remembered the question of a friend.

“Mother, are you happy? A friend asked me if you’re happy here, so I thought I’d ask you; are you happy?”

After her usual pause, she answered, “Am I happy? I haven’t considered that.” As she contemplated the question, she sucked her lips in and out of her mouth, eyebrows wrinkled from the effort. Finally, she responded in a lifeless voice, “What does it take to make happy?”

I said, “That’s a good question!” How do you answer that? What does it mean for a person with advanced Alzheimer’s Disease to be happy? After some thought I said, “I guess happy means contentment. Are you contented?”

Beautiful shiny white hair framed her face as her lips moved in and out, in and out. Her blank eyes gave no hint that she was still in the conversation. Finally, in her characteristic flat voice she said, “Yes. I’m contented. You could say I have contentment.”

It was evident she spoke the truth. Her memory is gone, but she spoke with understanding. And with wisdom. As a people, we fill our time with seeking happiness. But how many have stopped to ask, “What does it take to make happy?” As we ask that question, we may need to pose a more important one, “What is God’s design for us to find happiness?”

I think a 93 year old in an advanced stage of Alzheimer’s could teach us all a lesson. Before we spend so much time, energy, and money on finding happiness, maybe we need to stop and ask, “What does it take to make happy?”