Birth of a Book – or – Be Still and Know

Posted Feb 22, 12:29 PM by Kay Camenisch

One of the most difficult things God has asked of me is for me to be still and know that He is God. When I know—or think I know—where God is taking me, I’m too quick to pick things up and do them myself.

When I stop and think about it, I see how foolish I am. It’s like me struggling to carry a load up the mountain while a giant, empty-handed Hercules walks beside me. The Lord wants to carry the load for me—but He waits for me to be still and let Him.

Presently I’m experiencing what it’s like to know that He is God. I’m seeing His hand at work in my life, but still I am tempted to do it on my own. I sometimes act as if I’m still in the beginners’ class on Being Still, even though God began my training seven years ago.

It began in 2000 when we were running the residential treatment center for troubled young men. As part of the ministry, we counseled with families who were seeking placement for their sons. I was desperate to find a quick-fix, one-size-fits-all cure for the rampant anger that we saw in the families.

I embarked on a frantic search in the Bible for a quick cure for anger. After much frustration, I said, “OK, God, I’ll look at one passage at a time. I know you have the answer. Would you show me Your truth?” The first morning of being still and sitting at His feet, I received some really neat insights, so I wrote them down. It kept happening morning after morning. Amazed, I filed them away, feeling like the Lord had a purpose greater than I could see.

We left the ministry, but people kept calling who had anger problems. I’d dust off a few of the meditations and send them out. When I began to wonder if they had merit and if I ought to edit them for intentional use, a friend asked if it would be all right if she sent them to an editor for an opinion.

The editor encouraged me that they did have merit, but needed work. I had learned in school that I couldn’t write and never would have pursued writing a book without the push by someone who was experienced as a writer and editor. Suddenly, I felt confirmation that God wanted me to pursue preparing the meditations for some kind of public consumption.

I began editing and learning about the world of publishing but quickly put the manuscript back on the shelf. It was too overwhelming. The hurdles were too big. However, every time I put them away, someone else would approach asking for help with anger. I would pull them out and work on it some more. I added an application page to each to make them more complete.

Finally, in 2003 I went to a writers’ conference. I learned enough that I had hopes for a book. I worked hard to make a strong proposal and identify the right publishers. A year later I went to another conference, ready to make it happen—i.e. climbing the mountain with the load in MY arms. I presented my proposal to some editors and agents. All agreed that it was needed material, but I wasn’t well-known enough to take a risk on publishing the book. I was on a mission for God, so didn’t easily give up. However, after several more rejections, the manuscript went back on the shelf. What they said made sense; nobody would publish the book.

In the meantime, I published some other things, began writing a book on the blood covenant, and was grateful for the things I had learned through “Uprooting Anger.” It had been a good classroom to get me into writing and teach me a lot of things I never had wanted to know.

But God wasn’t finished with “Uprooting Anger.” Several sources mentioned self-publishing until it seemed like God was speaking to me again. I wasn’t interested. It would require knowledge and talents I didn’t have. Reluctantly I looked into it, but I balked at signing a contract. There was no way that I could do the editing needed, the layout, the cover, the marketing, and so much more. It was too much.

Finally, in November I said, “Yes, Lord. I’ll trust in You.” I signed a contract and sent in money to publish the book. However, as soon as it was out of my hands, I panicked. How could I commit myself to something I could never possibly do? I felt sick that I had thrown so much money after a dream—a dream I didn’t know how to begin to fulfill. God eventually broke through my panic with a quiet reminder to “Be still and know that [He] is God.” When I quieted again, things began to happen.

Jonathan had already been working on our website, and it came on line about the time I signed the contract. Someone I shared my predicament with asked, “Have you thought about the Reeses to help you with editing and layout?” They live an hour away, are experienced, do excellent work, and have compatible hearts. Within about a month, they were working with me and they are excited about the project. Within a couple of months, a nephew, Andrew had designed a cover that is a beautiful depiction of anger. It communicates far more than I could have imagined.

A chaplain invited me to a meeting of prison chaplains in Florida to present the book and suggested that I make a DVD to tell about it—another hurdle beyond me. Without me asking, my son Daniel volunteered to go to Florida to video inmates giving testimony about the help they got from the book. We’re waiting for approval from Correction authorities, but God is providing.

The Lord has also provided other blessings which are too complex to explain. It is clear that He is opening doors and making things happen. He is carrying the load up the hill for me now. When I am still—and it’s God’s time—I marvel at His hand at work, and I know that He is God. He is my provision when the job is too big.

My question is, why can’t I stay still? At the end of last week, I felt that God was leading me to target prisons for marketing. I’ve spent most of this week doing research to that end. In my efforts as I’ve made calls, not one person has been in when I called. And not one person has returned my calls when I left messages! As I was going to sleep last night, the question came to mind, “In the midst of God’s goodness and provision, have I taken things into my own hands again?” Again?

I know the work is mine to do. I still have responsibility. At the same time, I’ve experienced running into closed doors, and it is a lot more fun walking through the doors as God opens them! I like life better when I am still and can see God at work!

Then I think, “But if I don’t notify prison chaplains about the book, how will they ever know?”

I don’t know. But just three months ago I was asking the same kind of questions about editing, layout, and book cover, and they’ve all fallen in place—wonderfully, beautifully, simply fallen into place. I just betcha’ that God is still beside me going up this mountain—and that the load wouldn’t be so heavy if I’d just give it to Him and be still.

Help me, Lord. Help me to be still and to know that You are God.

P.S. A copy of the book cover is posted on the Uprooting Anger page of the website.